Monday, June 15, 2020

Do I Like Myself?

I guess I'm all right to be around, right now.
I have this guided journal I've been using, and the Big Question for the day was "Do you like yourself as you are now?  Not who you aspire to be.  The you right now."

I struggled to answer the question a little bit, to be honest.  I wiffle-waffled.  I don't dislike myself, per se, but I do have access to all my bloopers, outtakes, and thoughts.  And those make me far less likable to me.  

But on the other hand, I don't think I'd think myself is so bad if I cut myself the same slack that I cut other humans who are doing the best they can.  And I am doing the best I can.

That stipulation about "who I am no, not who I aspire to be" tripped me up, though.  That felt unnecessary.  I argued with the journal a little bit on that one, which is absolutely bonkers.  

I mean, I have a picture of who I aspire to be, and I live that.  What's wrong with aspiring to be the best version of yourself?  What's the matter with finding rough edges in yourself that you want to polish up?  I don't think there is.  

Even so, warts and all, I guess I'm pretty okay right now, in this moment.  I'm working on the rough spots and the ugly.  I see them.  I acknowledge them.  I accept them.  But I also embrace the challenge of aspiring to evolve.  Constantly, even.  

I'm still thinking over that journal question, though.  There are no right or wrong answers.  It's just a book that I can write in with a pen, so there's no interactivity or hyperlink to direct me to the next thing based on the way I answered.  Usually when I'm doing my guided journal, I'm okay with that.  It's a journey, not a destination, for the next 60 days.  But I'd really like to know where the journal was going with this one.  Is there going to be some kind of follow up at some interval of time?  Did I pass the test?  

I guess if you want to fall down some kind of rabbit-hole, Friends, give that question some thought.  Maybe sit down and scribble about it for a few minutes.  For my tastes, I'd argue that it should be two actual questions: "Who do you aspire to be?"  "Do you like yourself the way you are right now?"  And then you drill down on both those questions, if you have the extra time and your Sanka hasn't gotten cold.  (Is that still a thing?  Sanka?  It makes me laugh.)  You ask why.  "Why do I aspire to be...?"
"Why do I like or not like myself the way I am right now?" "What would it do for me if I achieved the version of myself to which I'm aspiring?... Why is that important?"  

"Do I even like this Sanka, or is it the Cremora that really does it for me?"  (I fell down a rabbit hole remembering what was in my grandparents' pantry when I was growing up.  Sanka and Cremora were staples.  Does anybody besides me remember these things?)

To answer the question, though, in the context of it simply being a question in a book I bought and committed to answering every day, yeah, I'm okay with myself, just like I am right now.  But I look forward to being the person I aspire to be! 

How would YOU answer that question about yourself, Friends?

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