Thursday, July 2, 2020

Getting Out of My Own Way

This is how it looks when I don't get in my own way!  
At the beginning of June, I filled out my workout rotation calendar for the month and decided that I was going to go to the gym every single day, all thirty days.  

I've made bold plans like this one before, many times.  Things always get in the way.  A late night will derail the next day's workout.  Or I'll sleep in too long and ditch the gym.  Sometimes I catch a cold and opt not to exercise, because, you know, "when you're sick, rest is best!"  And do I ever milk "rest is best" when I have even a slight head-cold.  

I had planned on working out all the days in April and May this year, too.  That was during the thick of Pandemic Purgatory, and I had nowhere to go during those two months.  I almost had April in the bag, and then got in a funk and fell to the bottom of the Bell Jar that last week, so I missed fourteen days- the whole last week of April and the entire first week of May.  Nothing holding me back but stinkin' thinkin', honestly. 

Killed two month's perfection birds with one trip to the bottom of the Bell Jar, I did.  In the moment in those two weeks, I told myself I was burnt out and just needed time to heal myself mentally.  I wasn't sick.  I just felt drained and sad and depressed.  It felt kind of good, getting up at 5AM and just getting around for the day.  It was still cold at the end of April, the beginning of May, and there's something about being wrapped up in a warm sweater, drinking coffee and watching the sky turn pink in those earliest hours of the day.

Except I am convinced that those two weeks of being sedentary undid all the progress I'd clawed out for myself since December.  And mentally, I felt foggy, sluggish, as though I was swimming around in murky water.  I did feel a zillion times better when I started back up in the gym in May, which made me all the more irked with myself for the two-week staycation.
Hitting this goal is about more than just the workouts!  

June needed to be different in that I needed desperately not to fall victim to excuses.  So I scheduled myself for a workout a day.  I've scheduled myself solid for every day in a month before, lots of times, like I said.  But this time, I was DETERMINED to stick to it.  I don't think I've ever actually followed through like that before, at least, not in recent memory.  And I did it.

It kind of surprised me, though.  Usually when I set a goal, I do it already knowing I'm going to let myself down. You've seen how negative my self-talk can be, even with people looking, here on the blog.  I expect to fall short and fail. There were mornings that I dilly-dallied once I got down to the gym.  But I always started the DVD and saw it through to the end. 

I don't think it made a lick of difference in my appearance, but it did make a huge impact on my confidence.  I set a goal.  I followed through, and I accomplished it.  I got out of my own way!

I finally really understand "You never know what you can do until you try."

I know I won't be able to get 100% in July.  But I am already planning to get 30 workouts in during this month.  I feel like the best way to follow up hitting a big goal is to set another one, after all!  Maybe eventually, I'll get good at this!

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