But I Kind of Got Comfortable

As much as I've railed against Pandemic Purgatory, last night, my husband, daughter, and I were sitting at the table and he said he kind of didn't want to go back to work.  And I get it.  I'm kind of bummed that he's going back to work Tuesday, too.

Things were off around here during Pandemic Purgatory.  Things that weren't great before Pandemic Purgatory were magnified by it, but we reshuffled and resettled into a routine that started to feel comfortable, just the same. A source of much discomfort around the shut-down was not knowing how long it would last.

Back in March, we were told this was a pause.  That implied that like pausing a show on the TV, it'd be in the same place it was when we hit pause.  We all know how that turned out.  As we emerge from the Pause, though, we aren't in the same place as we were two months ago.  Things look familiar enough, but so different that it's a bit jarring.  I talked yesterday about how I'm having a hard time visiting the places I haven't been to since Before, because of all the plexiglass and distancing measures and masks.  I'm not whining.  I like having the option to be able to go to stores and fetch take-out.  It's just it isn't the same.  It's like the TV switched our episode to the Twilight Zone version of the episode we were living in.

And then there's all the not great we've been working on during Pandemic Purgatory.  I guess I was figuring since we had nothing but time, we had nothing but Time.  But we've come to the end of it, and now all I feel is regret for not working harder to get it all sewn up and resolved while we had nothing but time.  Make hay while the sun shines, right?  But it's that way in Real Life, too, isn't it?  We think we have all the time in the world, until we don't have all the time anymore.

But when you're in Pandemic Purgatory, you don't necessarily feel like recognizing that.  Maybe that's why I got so comfortable during all of this.  I always think I have more time than I do, and when I run out, there's always something left on the table, begging for resolution.

I railed against the change imposed by the shut-downs, and I'm looking about Getting Back At Life with some dread and resentment and a dollop of sorrow, too.  No matter which way I drive on Change Boulevard, I really resist it.

At least in that way, New Normal is pretty much the same as the Artist Formerly Known as Normal!